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A Customer Draws Near!

The Drooling Ninny

"A customer draws near! She is of extremely low intelligence and is drooling slightly. However, since you are so busy looking up porn at work, she is able to sneak up on you and launch an unexpected attack."

"I evade damage by clocking out early."

"Do you even know what a sneak attack is? The customer attacks with Lesser Asinine Question before you can so much as get her name. Respond immediately or face the consequences!"

"I reply to the asinine question by casting Comic Book Store Guy's Resist Idiocy."

"You skillfully reply to the customer's questions about removing a program from her hard drive by telling her to go to her control panel. Her passive feat of Extreme Stupidity auto-counters your reply. She asks you what the control panel is."

"I use my Sock Puppet of Explaining to demonstrate to the customer how to locate her control panel."

"You successfully direct the customer to her start menu, where she sees the link to her control panel. She asks you if you would like her to go ahead and click on it."

"I tell her yes."

"The customer asks you if you would like her to click on the control panel."

"What? I just told her! I cast Probing Question on the customer to figure out what in the hell is wrong with her."

"Upon closer inspection, you notice that the customer is wearing an Enchanted Brooch of Infinite Stupidity Time Loop. The customer asks if you want her to click on the control panel."

"Can I hit her?"


"I try anyways."

"The customer casts Rant of Irrelevancy on you. She begins a long, nonsensical speech that occasionally contains words that relate to something you may or may not support. The rant has a hypnotic effect on you, and you are asleep within 10 seconds."

"That shouldn't put me to sleep. I spent all of my skill points last level on improving my concentration, and I'm also wearing an Amulet of Maintaining Interest +1."

"True, but you're also pretty woozy from those six beers you had for lunch."

"The Supportinator has an iron constitution! Six beers are nothing to a man of his stature."

"No, he's just an alcoholic."

"An alcoholic who likes strippers!"

"Look, just because The Supportinator works right next door to a strip club doesn't mean that he has to go there every day."

"The hell it doesn't!"

"Whatever. You're asleep now."

"I drink a potion of awakening."

"Dude, you're asleep. You can't do anything."

"Oh... why in the hell did I buy these things, anyways?"

"The customer's spell continues while you remain asleep. Your intelligence and patience are both being drained at a rate of 1 point every ten seconds."

"Am I dreaming?"

"Sure, you're dreaming."

"What about?"

"Having sex with Sarah Michelle Gellar."


"...and a sheep."


"You sicken me."

"I mount the sheep and thrust my-"

"You awaken to the sound of the customer asking you how to get into her control panel."

"Wasn't that the same thing she was trying to do when I fell asleep?"

"Yes. She still hasn't figured out how to do it."

"...how long have I been asleep?"

"Three hours."

"Do I have any idea what she's been doing this whole time?"


"I cast Improved Static Interference on the customer."

"A critical hit! The customer's connection with you is completely disrupted and her spell ends."

"I finish her off with my Staff of Condescending."

"The customer's confidence suffers a 15-point penalty. The customer flees from battle in terror."

"Can I hit her now?"